about
to you, my dear reader, this is my blog. these are my thoughts, feelings and opinions on whatever is going on with my life. now, if you hate me, leave. if you hate whatever is in it, dont read it. it's as easy as one, two, three. now, i am warning you that there will be lots of bad words in this blog of mine. dont sue me. im a kid who has a crappy yet wonderful life. get me? now, decide. to read or not to read.

comment if you want. leave if you must.

if you decide to stay and read, WELCOME TO MY BLOGNESS :)

i love HIM. i hate HIM. i miss HIM. i want HIM. this sucks.

the girl

The girl who is so lost without you.
her name is jinxx by the way. :D

her wants

..YOU
..YOU
..YOU
..& YOU
..& a new phone
..& a shopping spree too

her lovees

anne:)
aui:)
coleen:)
elioba:)
erika:)
fides:)
gabe:)
ina:)
lee:)
liz {xanga}:)
mariel:)
marnie:)
mau:)
mina:)
phia :)
rica :)
shariz :)

her special days

> .dont be so insensitive.
> .my ever so tiring weekend.
> .back to school is so not cool.
> .expanders.
> .start of my day.
> .we're all the same.
> .stars is looove <3333.
> .the prestige.
> .sleepover.
> .weee! :)).

her past

> July 2006
> August 2006
> September 2006
> October 2006
> November 2006
> December 2006
> January 2007
> February 2007
> March 2007
> May 2007
> June 2007
> August 2007

her visitors




what's ur tanong? Ü

her thankyouus

Designer: blueskyx* LG*
Edit: Adobe Photoshop CS2*
Fonts: Dafont*
Brushes: x
Image: o
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Thanks: Blogskins*
P.S. tweaked it. abit. fine. alot. :D

Sunday, December 03, 2006

i just read macin's post. weh. im actually surprised na she felt that way pala...

because i also feel the same way.


weh. haha. madrama ito. haha. :))


anyhoo. yeah. there were times na i thought of not studying, not doing the projects. not doing homeworks. heck, i thought of not even going to school anymore. i dont really know why. i just felt that way. i think its because of the pressure... pressure that i always think comes from teachers and parents but actually, the pressure comes from me. i dont know.

maybe im just tired. tired of working hard. tired of staying up late for projects that i would eventually throw out anyway. tired of studying for long tests and quizzes. and most importantly, tired of working so so hard but in the end, knowing that someone else did better than you, someone else got a higher score than you. gawd i suck. im tired of failing and disappointing myself after all the hard work.

i know im coming off as a jealous selfish little biatch who always want to be the best and cant accept the fact that others are better. maybe i am like that. maybe i am...

i want to be a second honor student. i do. I REALLY DO. i even dreamt that i'll be the first student to ever get a first honor in st. scho. but that dream is slipping away. far far away. and it sucks, knowing that im not who i want me to be.

i just want to be like before. a student that just cared for her grades and nothing more. just her academics. never cared for her friends or others, really. because that way, i dont have emotional problems.


oh gawd. i suck.

oh....

and im tired...

of knowing that whatever i do for you, you would always choose her over me. and that if things dont go the way you want them to, if things between you two get all broken and crappy, you run back to me. and i just welcome you with open arms. even if i know that once you find the next person to love, you'll just leave me again, i still welcome you when you come back.

ayoko na ng ganito. ayoko na kasi nasasaktan na ako. ayoko na kasi nahihirapan na ako. ayoko na. nakakapagod. nakakainis.

and most of all, nakakaiyak isipin na kahit alam ko na ung mga mangyayari, ung mga gagawin mo, tinatanggap pa rin kita.

this sucks.


haay.


im tired...

of knowing na you never loved me. that you never even liked me. and the only reason you were there was because you were polite and nice. and you liked her. gawd.

i was starting to fall for you. i swear. i never wanted to. but i think i did. and i think i still have feelings for you. thats why i hated you when you left. i hated you when you never liked me. i hated you when you didnt have feelings for me. and i hated myself, kasi i let myself fall for you even if i knew you liked/loved someone else.



yes, this post started out as a post for my rants as a student. it turned out to be a post about my rants for being stupid.

i dont think people saw or knew this side of me. they just thought that i was this 'smart' girl who never had problems. they never knew how i felt about being 'smart'--what was behind those high grades. they never knew what i was going through. what i was putting myself through.


this is madrama. and honestly, while typing this, i wanted to cry. yes, i am tired.

-she lovees him @ 6:42 PM :)